DISTANCE TO YOURSELF

DISTANCE TO YOURSELF

"A few days of my life"
'Day One'

A deep sleep opens my still-sleepy eyes. For a moment, I look around the dark space uncertainly. Where am I? I recognize this place ...slowly, remembering another day of my existence, remembering from the beginning who I am, what I do, and what I should do. ...' To do'... it's my existence...
Seen not so long ago, the film based on facts reflects the reality one faces every day after waking up. One young man loses his sense of reality and blurs every previous day. He is detached from reality, he wakes up and does not remember who he is, what he does, or who the people around him are. He wakes up as if he is being born anew every day. He writes down notes about himself to read them the next day, but the next day he doesn't quite believe in them or trust them. He starts every day anew...

I start anew every day, my duties awaken me from the state of dream unconsciousness, who I am, my body, my life, all that I am exists in my non-existence. I wake up in the consciousness of nothingness, of non-being, to become a complete being, a completeness, a package of my affairs, relationships, and Ego. I start a fight with life, for myself, for survival, for food, for my own space. I strive for everything with everyone around me, with a non-friend and a pseudo-friend. I find respite for a moment in the sastras, I find myself in the vibration of listening to the sounds of words, saying mantras that purify the space and me: Hare Krsna Hare Krsna Krsna Krsna Hare Hare Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare..., I listen to the words of those who listen to mantras and those who have listened to mantras, of sacred space. Another day of my life passes quickly...

I fall into another dream to become non-existence, to cease to exist, to immerse myself in the illusion of sleep relaxation, to flow with a wave of gray or colorful dreams...
Once in Vṛndāvana VIHE, where I was studying Burijan Prabhu (our teacher, Srila Prabhupada's disciple and initiating guru), he asked us, a group of Bhakti-vaibhava students of the course, if we fly when we dream? "Who among you flies in dreams?" I was the only one who raised my hand then. My dreams about flying had already been going on for many months, I could cover great distances just by floating, jumping up, etc. At first, I learned to fly in these dreams, I tried to fly higher and higher, it was some kind of effort, overcoming myself, and then I jumped great distances with ease to soar higher and higher without effort and without limits.
It is Nārada Muni who is described as a transcendentalist who travels in space and between the material and spiritual worlds...
I fall asleep again, drift off resting after another fight for life...

Hribol!